


I really did not need to know that much (didn't need to know at all)

by PleaseDontFindThisMom



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: And it's not canon compliant but it's not not canon compliant, But like Infinity War didn't happen, But there are also things from the comics, Drinking, Drinking Games, Gen, Honestly it always bugged me that everyone had to rely on freaking humans to defeat Thanos, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Sex, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Like??? The snap concerns the whole freaking universe didn't anyone else care???, Mostly follows movie canon, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Slut Peter Parker, Team as Family, What happened to Loki?, When there are aliens that are obliviously much stronger on average, Where are Vision and Wanda?, i wonder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:53:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28072770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PleaseDontFindThisMom/pseuds/PleaseDontFindThisMom
Summary: Drunk people rarely make good decisions and Avengers are no expectation to the ruleThis time, their unadvised decisions involve playing drinking games
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Avengers Team, Clint Barton & Avengers Team, James "Bucky" Barnes & Avengers Team, Natasha Romanov & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Sam Wilson & Avengers Team, Steve Rogers & Avengers Team, Thor & Avengers Team, Tony Stark & Avengers Team
Comments: 3
Kudos: 83





	I really did not need to know that much (didn't need to know at all)

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was born out of my desire to write something with Avengers and Slut Peter Parker but without Peter being with the Avengers in romantic or sexual sense
> 
> Avengers playing drinking games was simple and fun way to write such a fic

This story starts like many others. 

With ungodly amounts of alcohol.

Or maybe it was a godly amount, since Thor did bring all of it himself.

But the point is that there was alcohol involved and therefore nobody can judge anyone after everything went down.

~~~

Peter had drunk alcohol before, but the first time he drank with the Avengers was right after he turned 21. It was sort of his birthday after party. While the birthday party itself had been a blast with everyone going laser tagging and eating more cake than most people would eat in a year, Peter greatly enjoyed the relaxed state everyone hit after a couple (read: unholy amount) of drinks.

Clint sat on the sofa, blabbering fast to no one in particular. Natasha was smiling ear to ear, relaxed. Tony was standing, but with his laughing and swaying he looked ready to fall over. Thor was talking loudly, gesturing wildly. Steve sat on the sofa also, posture relaxed and so unergonomic it probably hurted. Bucky was leaning to a wall and was grinning to whatever Thor had just said. Sam was swaying on his feet and nodded along like he was listening to Clint’s blabbering but was probably not. Bruce looked way more relaxed than ever standing among people, probably helped by the fact that he actually liked everyone present.

Peter was giggling, looking at Sam while he was trying to drink out of an empty cup, when Tony got his Brilliant Idea TM that would probably not end well for anyone.

“Guys, I just realised that this is a birthday party, where everyone is legal and that shit, but we have played no drinking games.” People looked at Tony or Peter, all smiling. They usually didn’t have an excuse to play something as immature as drinking games.

“That’s true, that’s true and it’s something like a rule to play drinking games at 21, isn’t it?” Clint added.

“It should be at least! So, what we gonna do?”

“Let’s just do something basic, like never have I ever or truth or truth…” Natasha piped up. She really didn’t have the energy to play anything too complicated. Others murmured in agreement before they formed a circle in the middle of the living room.

“So, let’s start with never have I ever and then to truth or truth so people will loosen up enough to actually tell their stories,” Peter said while he was passing people their poisons of choice.

“Wanna start then, birthday boy?”

Peter smirked. “Just remember to actually take a good gulp if you have to drink. Let’s just start off easy… Never have I ever been stood up by date.”

There were some dissatisfied noises, but everyone - save for Peter, Natasha and Bruce - drank. 

“You really have never been stood up?” Tony asked. 

“There's a difference between being stood up on and being rejected or rarely going on dates old man.” Tony gasped offendedly, but moved on.

“So, I believe it’s my turn,” Bruce said, looking only mildly uncomfortable. “Never have I ever, well, ghosted someone?”

Everyone drunk, expect for Bruce and Thor.

“I mean, since I too took a sip this is kinda hypocritical, but y’all mean as fuck. Well then, how about, never have I ever sent a dirty message to a wrong person.” Clint looked pointedly at Natasha, whose whole being seethed betrayal and promises of painful death. Despite it, she took a sip along with Tony and Sam.

“Tony and Sam I can understand, but Natasha? Mind telling us what happened.” Bucky didn’t look scared in front of Natasha’s glare, but then again, she wasn’t actually mad. At him.

“Why not. It happened five years ago. I was going undercover and tried to get close to my target. Part of my tactic was hooking up with him. Then, I sent the picture to a wrong number. Luckily, not to anyone I know or who knew me.”

While the story was kinda bland, the mere fact that it happened to Natasha was hilarious to some.

“Okay, so my turn. Uhh, never have I everrr- slept with hooker.”

Tony, Clint, Natasha, Thor and Bucky drank.

“In my defense I found out she was a hooker only after we slept together.” Bucky defended under the confused gazes.

“That was a good one Sam. Never have I ever been walked in on while having sex.” Steve did receive a fair amount of glares while Bucky, Clint, Sam, Natasha, Thor, Tony and Peter all drank. Clint burst out laughing.

“You look way too innocent to be having sex, not to even mention being walked in on, Pete. How about story time since we had a fair share of hands.”

“You can start then, Legolas.” Clint, in a total show of maturity, stuck out his tongue.

“It has happened a couple times, but the most memorable one was when my target walked in on me and some random civilian. I had messed up completely on who was my target and thought I was sleeping with her, but…”

“Sound like you Clint. I have been walked in on my fair share on missions and once by this teenager in France. He looked extremely shocked when he found me sleeping with his dad.” Natasha closed her eyes, the memory clearly unpleasant. Tony sniggered.

“We at Asgard are not as shy about our sexual activities as you are on Midgard, so it was often that someone, usually one of our servants, came in to ask a question or two about something.” Peter stared at Thor, the aliens culture still shocking him after all this time. Or maybe that was just the alcohol making his emotions more pointed.

“Sound uncomfortable as fuck. Is it, like, ‘young master Thor, could you stop pounding that lady while I ask what you want to eat later today’. And it’s basically impossible to hook up in college party without being walked in on.”

“What Underoos said. That and more than once by one of SI’s employees.”

“It was actually Steve who walked in.” Everyone turned to look at the brunet and the blonde - who looked like he was having flashbacks. Bucky smirked, looking deeply satisfied at his friends’ expression. “I was going at it with this girl from a restaurant and Steve, being the oblivious idiot he is, walked in. To make matters worse, he didn’t do any of the sensible things, like walking straight out or apologizing, no, he just stood there, staring, and after the silence had been going on for some time, he just said ‘those were the nice sheets Buck’.”

Steve looked mortified while everyone else burst out laughing. “Those  _ were _ the nice sheets.”

After catching his breath from laughing too hard, Sam opens up. “Mine is not nearly that exciting. Just some regular Joe who didn’t know her roommate was having sex with me.”

“I believe it is my turn then. I have never backed down from a fight.”

Everyone except Thor took a sip. The God looked positively surprised by it.

“Never have I ever been dumped in the middle of sex.” 

The room quieted. Everyone looked at Natasha, who was staring at Clint. With almost inaudible ‘you bitch’ Clint drank. Natasha grinned, satisfied. While everyone was busy looking at Clint or Natasha, Peter took a sip. Bucky, the only one who noticed, didn’t bring attention to it.

“Sucks to be you Legolas. Never have I ever said the wrong name in bed.”

“Fuck off Stark!” Clint looked defeated, taking yet again a sip from his drink. After a second or two Bucky and Peter took a sip too. They received some amused stares.

“Story time~” Tony sing sang. “You start again Clint.”

“Okay, okay, it was the target thing I mentioned earlier. Since the people were swapped of course the names were too.” Tony shook his head in mock pity and leaned forward.

“That’s not the only time, is it?”

Clint glared at the older man. “Once I was hooking up with this girl called Samantha, but I thought her name was Selena.”

Tony looked like a satisfied cat, grinning ear to ear.

“That’s not even bad Clint, that has happened way too many times to me. But the worst one yet was when I didn't know the other one's name at all and he asked me to call him by his name. I panicked at said first name that came to mind. Turns out  _ his  _ name was not  _ Joanna _ .” Peter looked properly embarrassed, while others chuckled. 

“Once I was going at it with this girl, but all in all neither of us was really enjoying it. So my mind kind of wandered and I kept thinking about what I would like to eat for dinner. Then I remembered that I was supposed to meet up with Steve a while ago to eat. So of course I shouted ‘Steve’. She was not amused and it took a hella lot of convincing so that she wouldn’t make rumors about us being gay.”

There was open laughter after Bucky’s story. The man himself looked like a mix between amused and mortified - while that was definitely not his worst story, he hadn’t really wanted to share it either.

“So then it’s finally my turn. Never have I ever had friend with benefits,” Bucky said finally. Everyone turned to look at Tony. He looked pained, but took a sip. Then, to everyone’s surprise, Peter drank too.

“Peter, Peter, when did you have that kind of friend?” 

“Since forever I guess. Right now the number is five.” Peter looked way too relaxed after revealing that, counting with his fingers (Peter could take his liquor quite well, but it didn’t do any favors to his math skills).

“I am sure I will be very scarred after I have sobered up to actually think about this, but for now, good for you. How about we switch then?”

“Sure. So, someone asks and everyone answers or downs their cup. The asker doesn’t have to answer ever,” Peter reminded while filling people’s drinks again.

“I will start again, something nice and easy. Or not. So, secret you have never told anyone.” There was some pouting and thinking while Peter just smiled.

“Okay, so I think I have never told anyone about when I stole from a store.” Everyone stared at Bruce, who blushed slightly. “It was a long time ago. It was three in the morning and I was out of coffee, so I went to buy some except I was so tired I forgot to pay. I just walked into the store and walked out without paying. I have no idea how no one noticed, but I was too embarrassed to go back. Still haven’t.”

Clint elbowed the scientist to the side (or would have if Bruce had been closer - as it was he just flung his arm to his way). “Who knew you had it in you? Well, anyway, the only thing that I can’t think anyone knowing would be when I ran a thirst account with some friends ten years ago.”

“Who were you thirsting after exactly.” Bucky’s voice was filled with well deserved suspicion, an emotion that the others joined.

“Anyone and everyone and everything. It was hellish.”

“Mine would be when I hooked up with a client. I mean, she wasn’t a client at that point anymore, but it was morally very dubious all in all.” Sam’s admission was met with a couple of disapproving stares and quiet ‘what the hell’s.

“I didn’t know what a printer was for a good year.” 

“My God Capsicle.” Steve glared at Tony who was close to falling off his chair from laughing, but his face broke into a grin when others joined the man. 

“I myself don’t have any secrets actually, just things that have not come up yet. One of those things would be the two hundred years it took for me to learn how to dance.”

“Dancing can be hard,” Natasha said pointedly at Clint - who was admittedly laughing too much at Thor’s admission -, “and mine would be that I checked all my food for poison for five years after Red Room.”

Tony shot a sympathetic look at Nat's way. “That’s just sad Nat. I don’t think I ever mentioned that I used to garden.”

“I still don’t know how to use the Stark phone you gave me last Christmas.”

Tony (along with others) stared at Bucky, who looked sheepish. “How have you survived until now?”

“I asked FRIDAY to link herself with the phone and I just ask her to do whatever I need to get done.”

“What in the ever Elsa…” Sam muttered while Peter patted the soldier’s arm reassuringly, promising to walk him through everything. The brunet flashed the younger man a grateful smile.

“I believe it’s my turn to ask then. Hidden talent or thing you can do but others don’t know about?”

“I can actually do a handstand for over thirty minutes. None of you know this, so good enough.”

“That’s actually really cool. Hmm, I can play bass somewhat?”

“How has that never come up?”

“I can skate pretty well?”

“I am qualified to marry people on Earth.” 

People stared at Thor. The unsaid ‘what’ reached Thor clearly.

“Loki told me about a mysterious power to tie people together. I thought he meant physically, which would be a helpful addition to my skills given my fighting style. So I searched for this mysterious power. Eventually miss FRIDAY gave me the necessary forms to become ordained. I found out a little too late about how misleadingly my brother had phrased his point, so now I’m ordained.”

“That’s… so you.”

“I fear so, man of spiders.”

“What you don’t know about me is that I can knit.”

“I- prefer Chinese over Thai?”

“Betrayal.”

“What the fuck Stark.”

Tony put his hands up in surrender. Everyone kept looking at Tony - not because they were all that shocked, but for the dramatic effect - while Bucky thought. After the dramatic staring had gone on for ten seconds he finally seemed to come up with something.

“I’m actually really good at bridge, the card game I mean.”

“We are going to test you up on that, you know,” Peter smirked. “And I can actually stand on the tip of my toes for over five minutes.”

Tony sneered. “Now that sounds painful.”

“It is, kinda.”

“My turn then.” Clint turned to pointedly stare at Sam. As the eye contact continued the dark skinned man began to pale noticeably.

“You wouldn’t.” Clint smirked manically. “Oh I would. SO-” Sam’s noices of protest were ignored. “what is your most embarrassing break up story?” People turned to stare at Sam.

After a good three and half seconds of whining, Sam started. “So, I was dating this nice woman a good while ago. Six years I think. After we had been going out for four weeks, I heard from a colleague that she was cheating, so I asked to meet up so we could break up. I did the spiel, that we wouldn’t work out and it would be better and that she probably saw it too. After I finished, she just stared at me, looking all kinds of confused. Then she asked, very slowly, ‘since when we are dating?’. Turns out that we weren’t even dating, she thought we were just casual hook up.”

“Sam, how do you even come to that different conclusion about your relationship?”

“Apparently she thought going to dates, having sex and talking about future can be totally platonic with side of sexual.”

“That, just, sucks.”

“I know, I was there.”

The conversation drifted to stop before Steve opened his mouth. “...I don’t think I have ever had that bad of a break up. The worst was probably when I was iced and didn’t get to break up with the girl I was dating.”

“Now that’s just sad.”

“I too have never had an embarrassing break up. Closest comes when the break up happened during a big feast, in front of my father.” 

“You know that for many others that would have been gravely embarrassing? Mine would be the time my target tried to break up with me. Honeypot mission.”

“Doesn’t even sound that bad. Mine is actually story worthy.” People turned to look at Stark in anticipation. He smirked under all the attention.

“So, I was overseas on this business trip. I met this woman there, plenty nice, witty, pretty and all that. So we got together for all the two weeks I was there on the trip. I actually never bothered breaking up with her, I just left one day. So imagine my surprise, when I met her not even three days later here in New York. Turns out she had impressed some higher ups and was moved here to work under Pepper. She decided that the most rational way of doing things - or maybe she just wanted to show me to my place - was to start discussing our failed relationship in the lobby. When I was with a group of stockholders. Thinking about it I’m sure she did it on purpose.”

Bruce smiled in a sweet (and in no way mocking) way. “You know you could have avoided all that if you had just broken up with her like a normal person would.” Tony raised his hands up in defeat. Bucky smirked.

“My story is not that special either. Just some girl who thought it would be fun to break up in a restaurant.”

“That is actually the worst. Why can’t people just break up in private?”

“You tell me.”

“It’s truly annoying. My story is actually the one where I was dumped during sex.” Everyone turned to look at Peter. 

“Did you even drink back then?”

“He did, you were just too busy looking at the drama unfold between Clint and Natasha.” Bucky got his fair share of glares for not telling that Peter had drank before everyone refocused on Peter, who smiled bitterly.

“All in all it was just a trainwreck. We were, you know, going at it and suddenly he just stands up, says ‘I can’t do this anymore’ and walks out. He didn’t even bother getting dressed, just took his clothes with him. We just, froze up, no one knew what to do. Eventually we kinda played some rock-paper-scissors about who would go after him. I didn’t lose, but it was a bit too awkward to even think about continuing so we just kinda sat there, waiting for Paul to come back.” 

“Yet once again, the implications about your sex life will traumatize me, but only after I’m sober enough to take it all in.”

“How many people were even present in that story?”

Peter seemed to count for a moment. “Five I think, counting me.” The unnerving silence continued for quite some time, but Peter was ever so relaxed after the reveal.

Bruce cleared his throat in an attempt to clear the silence. “Moving on, I don’t think I have ever had that embarrassing of a break up, closest comes when I just forgot actively I was dating back in college and the girl eventually got fed up with it.”

“Didn’t take you for the neglectful type Brucie. Now then, Barton, I hope you are ready for pay up.” Sam looked at Clint, who seemed confused. Then, his eyes widened comically and he paled. 

“Not you too, Natasha already-”

“It is only fair, you made me tell my story too.” Had it been a serious situation, it would have been worrying how intently out for Clint’s blood Sam was, but given that they were just sharing embarrassing stories it was closer to amusing. So when Sam’s face split into a predatory grin and Clint gasped others couldn’t but smile.

“Worst present you ever gave someone,” Sam finally shot after staring at Clint for far too long. 

“Pass.” 

All attention turned to Steve, who blushed.

“Yeah, this is not the sort of story I’m in anyway comfortable sharing or telling anyone ever.”

“So shall it be then man of America. Mine would be when I tried to give a gift to Lady Jane and unfortunately forgot about her, disgust, with pineapple.” People stared. “I tried to give her pineapple pizza. She ate it even if she was revolted by it because she didn’t want to hurt my feelings.” There was some honest to God cooing.

“Gosh you are like a big puppy. Mine would be when I accidentally gifted someone a vase I had gotten from them.” 

“I usually just forget to buy a gift, so when I actually gave someone a gift the worst one was that five dollar gift card. From anyone else it might have been okay but I am swimming in money so it was a tad…” Sam snorted at Tony’s words.

“Yeah, you were tardy.”

“You take that back.”

“I just forgot someone’s birthday and then when he asked about it I gave him bread.” Steve sniggered, apparently remembering the incident in question. Bucky rolled his eyes but didn’t seem actually annoyed.

“I accidentally gave MJ the same book two years in a row as a birthday gift.” Peter seemed much more ashamed by this fact than about having multiple friends with benefits.

“Hmm, I think my worst would be when I broke the CD I was giving on the way to the party. I wasn’t there when the presents were opened and he only told me years later.”

“So now Clint.” Bucky leaned forward in his seat, almost interrupting Bruce. “What is the worst present you ever gave someone?” Clint glared at Bucky (and everyone else).

“So, when I was dating this girl way back, I got her birthday present. It was this cute silver pendant. But when the day came, I didn’t take the pendant with me. I accidentally took this other package that I was about to throw out. It had moldy dog treats in it. We went to this diner and at the end gave her the gift. I told her to open it at home because I was tad embarrassed about the pendant, we had dated only couple weeks at that point. So when she got home her gift was moldy dog treats. To top it off I think I said something along the lines ‘this gift really represents what I think about you’.” There was open laughter. Clint looked properly humiliated, but grinned too. Had it happened to anyone else he would have been laughing after all.

“Since you were the only one not to tell Steve down the drink.” People watched as Steve downed his cup, refilling it after, some others following suit (drinking games are supposed to be games where you only drink when the rules say so, but when did the Avengers ever really play by the rules?).

“My turn then. I have rather liked hearing actual stories so let’s just go with your wildest party story or something.” Everyone turned to look at Thor, who had acquired this far away stare like he was thinking about some distant memory.

“Mine would be when I was turning 1014. Me and my friends threw a celebration party among ourselves. Drinks, company, fights, just your average birthday celebration. This time however Loki decided that as a gift to me he shall take some of our father’s very expensive wine and give it to me. So we drank it. It was strong and we were far too gone to truly comprehend what was happening anymore. Eventually we ran out of the wine, so we turned to Loki, asking where he got it all from. He told me where he got it, but not whose it was. As we then went in our drunken states to get more of the drink we eventually realized whose it was. Seeing as we were there and Loki had not drunk one drop of the wine we seemed like the guilty party, which was no doubt what Loki had been aiming for. The rest of the night was spent hunting Loki down while avoiding my father, guards, my mother and every servant in the castle which is hundreds of people in total. We never quite found Loki.”

“So once I went undercover and got acquaintanced with this criminal. Years later I see him again at Shield’s Christmas party. Turns out he turned over a new leaf and was since scouted by Shield for his excellent skills with computers. I didn’t know that so justly I attacked him, dragging him off to some office where I interrogated him. Eventually someone found us and during the rest of the night I proceeded to avoid him with all I had. Expect when I had one too many drinks and almost puked on him.”

“Honestly I have too many stories to count, but once my high school friends convinced me to catfish someone. Totally unnecessary given who I am, but I went along. It had been going on for some weeks and then I saw her at this party. No biggie, she didn’t know my voice or looks. Then I lost my phone. She found it. She must have texted me or something because she worked out that I was catfishing her. In the end we hooked up tho, so no worries.  _ Then  _ it turns out she wasn’t the girl I was catfishing. It was the girl’s sister. The sister had taken my target’s phone and sent me her photo, so I thought that that was what she looked like. So while I was catfishing this girl, her sister catfished me.” 

People stared at Tony. When the silence had stretched on for little too long, Bruce leaned forward and opened his mouth to talk in a very slow and sweet voice.

“Tones, do you think it’s possible that your friends and both of the girls knew what was happening the whole time and were just pulling you along? There are just too many coincidences in that story.” Everyone turned to look at Tony again, who had this sort of confused scowl on his face. Then his eyes widened.

“Oh dear Lord, they were totally pulling me along.” Tony’s horrified tone brought out some laughs before they turned to look at Bucky.

“Mine would actually be SI’s annual party half a year ago. So there was this one son a bitch that I just hated, so I thought that giving him one of DUM-E’s motor oil smoothies would be fun. I made a great effort to make it look like champagne so that he would drink it. I actually didn’t know that the party was already going on when I came to deliver that drink, so when I saw all these posh people I panicked and just put the glass somewhere and left. Unfortunately that somewhere was next to all the other champagne glasses. I realized my mistake tad too late and then I spent almost two hours trying to track that one glass down. I never found it.”

“So I know this dude Owen. We don’t really click but we both have good taste so sometimes we introduce people to one another. So at this one party he told me he had found me the perfect hookup, totally up my alley. His friend’s friend or something. So he drags me off to the bathroom there and helps me dress up, skirt, lingerie, the whole set. And when I finally go upstairs to meet this guy, it turns out to be my high school bully. He recognized me straight away. Owen didn’t apparently notice our reactions and just locked us up there. We just sat there and after like twenty minutes the bully, Flash, just snapped and said that he was sorry about how he behaved way back and he had issues that he took out on others. Then he gave me a drag of whatever he was smoking and I was pretty buzzed up already but I’m pretty sure it was marihuana and not a cigarette. Anyway we did have sex in the end and I haven’t actually seen him since.”

“I- have nothing that interesting compared to your stories. But there was this one time I was at my cousins - once removed - baby shower… Now that I think about it she probably wanted me there because I was already famous and had money. Well in any case I had an unfortunate case of Hulking out. My memories are a little hazy but somehow I ended up at my home with over twenty messages from my cousin about how I embarrassed her and how she never wants to see me again. I still have no idea what happened.”

“Way back when I was in the circus we had some pretty extreme parties once in a while. One that really stands out is the time when me and some others went to the town nearby and just, stole fifty pounds of bread plus for some reason some liquorice. It made sense at the time. Anyway, the actually memorable part was when this one old lady who saw us tried to catch us with her husband and we hid into one of the houses. The occupants of the house of course woke up so we hid there for hours before we could sneak out again.”

“There was this one time I accidentally invited my ex to a party instead of my girlfriend. I have no idea why my ex accepted but we went to the party because I felt too awkward telling her about my mistake. The whole party was just awkward on top of awkward since everyone thought we were back together and tried to congratulate us. Luckily my girlfriend was understanding and didn’t dump me after I told her about it.”

Steve looked satisfied with the turnout. Next to him Thor was obviously thinking hard about what to ask.

“I suppose normally I would ask for everyone’s mightiest battle, but since the point of this game seems to be to make people tell embarrassing or shameful stories, I will ask about your most embarrassing or shameful battle.”

People groaned, no doubt many shame filled memories filling their minds. Everyone turned to look at Natasha, who was staring off into space, not meeting anyone’s eyes. “I suppose mine would be the time I, miscalculated, very badly. I underestimated my own need for ammo and how much the enemy had it so I ended up surrounded by people who had guns while I was stuck with only a knife. I did make it out alive, but it was a terribly novice mistake to make, and a dangerous one at that.”

Clint was trying to suppress his grin and there was sympathetic nodding all around. Tony cleared his throat. “Mine would be more on the embarrassing side. You know how my armors are powered by arc reactors? Well I was in the middle of toning up the arc reactor when the alarm came. In my defense I hadn’t slept in twenty-six hours, but the point is that I took the armor without the arc reactor. All the armors I use now have a backup power source, but they can carry on only for a short while since they are only meant to be used to get to safety if the arc reactor fails. So, as logic would tell you, after merely fifteen minutes I come crashing down from the sky.” Had they been sober no person would have laughed given how dire the mistake had been, but in their drunken states the story had been fun and laughter filled the air. Tony grinned while rolling his eyes.

“My turn then. This may be stretching the definition of shameful battle, but when I fought against Steve while still brainwashed.” Bucky, much like Natasha had, was not looking anyone in the eyes. “Because, you know, I tried to kill Steve.” There was no laughing this time.

“Good that you didn’t succeed then, right?” Peter’s, slightly awkward, effort to ease the mood worked. Bucky grinned his way before turning to smile at Steve who was smiling as well.

“Yeah good that I didn’t.” Peter bumped Bucky’s shoulder with his own before facing the group.

“I honestly have too many embarrassing battle stories to count, so I tell the most interesting one. I won’t go into details but there was this body swapping incident. When I finally swapped back into my own body I didn’t quite have any underwear on so I webbed some. On me. Straight on my skin. But the webbing wouldn’t dissolve and eventually I had to go to the bathroom. Which I couldn’t because of the webbing. And I was out of the freaking dissolvent. And I realize as I’m telling this that this story is stretching the definition of battle but let’s just say it was a battle against my bladder.” The room was filled with laughter as Peter got redder and redder while telling his story. The boy sharply turned to face Bruce. “So what about you Bruce?” he spoke over the noise, clearly desperate to get out of the spotlight.

Bruce hummed. “Probably one of the first battles I was out and about as Hulk. Since I had way less control over the other guy back then I did more damage than help sometimes and that was plenty embarrassing to me, especially since I had no recollection about doing any of it often.”

Now Clint was rolling his eyes. “That’s pretty boring. And I would have said your most embarrassing battle was trying to open that cookie box, getting frustrated, Hulking out and destroying the kitchen.” Holler filled the air again, Bruce staring dead ahead. “Yes, sure, let’s go with that then.” Clint smirked, clearly satisfied.

“I personally have gotten into plenty of arguments while not wearing my hearing aids, so sometimes I have no idea what the other party is saying. On one occasion I started a fight with this woman in a supermarket because I thought she had called me ‘filthy bitch’ when she had actually told me I seemed ‘filthy rich’ since I was buying four televisions. I shouted at her and she shouted back for a good four minutes before I caught my mistake.”

Sam looked around before looking down at his cup. “I’m going to take a page out of Steve’s book and not share this story. NOT” Sam raised his voice as the protests began “because it’s that embarrassing, but because it’s not my story to share, at least in this group of people.” 

Steve straightened in his seat, clearly trying to get attention to himself and away from Sam. “I think overall the most embarrassing battle story I have is the, well, they call it ‘Civil War’. The whole accords thing. With the whole lack of communication and how things turned out at the end and what it cost us I would say that is the most shameful battle all in all.” Silence filled the air.

“If you think about it that should be the most embarrassing battle story for most of us.”

“Ain’t that the truth.”

“Amen.”

They then turned to look at Sam who downed his cup. And then promptly fell over. They just stared at his unconscious form for a while, before Tony stood up and clapped his hands.

“I think that is a sign we should go to sleep. Hmm, Steve? Could you take Sam to his room or something? And put a glass of water next to his bed.”

And this is how this story ends, like many other alcohol filled stories. Of course, for the Avengers this is not the end and this was not a story but more like some sort of ill willed moment of vulnerability and unplanned sharing which resulted in far too many secrets getting out in the open. But they wouldn’t realize this until the next morning when they had sobered up.

And who are we kidding, they did judge.

~~~

“You did what and gave what and what the hell were you thinking?”

“Oh God I never want to think about his sex life ever again.”

“You tried to fly with what and did what now?”

“I told them I did that with him?!”

“Who the fuck names their kid Flash???”


End file.
